Birthdays are for Celebrating!

Each year when our little O has a birthday, it is bittersweet for me. It starts out typical enough with thoughts of friends, presents and gifts. Maybe I’ll hang some signs or streamers. I might possible buy some balloons or special birthday wrap for his gift, but soon I remember the “forgotten” year.

He came to the orphanage sometime after his fourth birthday. We received his referral about six months later. It told us he was four years old, but no birth date was listed. During the end of our first visit, we were able to ask lots of questions regarding him and his sister. Everyone referred to him as a four-year-old although the birth date didn’t line up. Delicately through the translator, I tried to figure out the error. Was I calculating wrong? Was the birth date incorrect? Finally, I stated plainly that if the birth date was indeed correct, then he was five. Following an awkward silence, the director replied, “then he is five.” My heart was broken! This little boy, who I was hoping I could soon call my own, had had a birthday gone unrecognized. No cake. No gift. No cards or friends wishing him “happy birthday!” Did he even know how old he was? I have no idea what kinds of birthday celebrations he might have had in his birth home. It’s possible that this was not the first birthday forgotten. That day I made a promise. A promise that his birthday would be celebrated every year after.

For many of us that have kids from “hard places”, our grief can be overwhelming when we think of all that our kids have missed before they came home to us. Ultimately, we learn to not dwell too long in the past since there’s no modifying it. But instead, look at today for what we can add to their lives. As his third birthday with us approaches, I am excited to see him celebrate his birthday, his special day. And everyone will know exactly how old he is.

A Table Big Enough

I want to tell you a story. A story about a family. A family that ate together every day at their kitchen table. There was room for all of them. They sat. They ate. They laughed. Life was good.

            One day the family learned that soon two more children would be arriving! They were thrilled! They talked about the new children. They dreamed about the new children. They prepared for the new children. But what about our table? It’s not big enough! The decision was made to add a bench to squeeze everybody in. When the new children arrived, there was room for everyone. Life was very good.

            As the days past, discontentment arose. Some children complained about being squished. Some children wouldn’t eat. There were mean eyes, harsh words, hurt feelings & on at times, tears were spilled at the table. So a new table was found slightly larger than the first. The bench was replaced by chairs so no two children would be touching. But, something was missing. There were not enough chairs for everyone. The parents decided it would have to do. Life was hard.

Some days the children ate first then the parents followed. Other days, the parents would just eat standing up while the children sat. Many times, the parents ate alone in the other room. They could overhear their children in the kitchen talking. They argued and they sang, they yelled and they pouted, but they were together. Life was changing.

            Finally, the day came when the family had had enough. Some children wanted to sit with the parents. Some children didn’t want to sit alone. Other children didn’t want to sit at all. The parents missed their faces around the table, their laughter and their singing. They decided the arguing and the tears may still sometimes be, but being together through them was the most important part of being a family. So, the decision was made and a new table was found. It was big enough for everyone and life was the best yet.  

 

 

This is the story of our family. Yes, we did buy a new table, but it’s so much more than that. It’s about making room in our life for change and for two little people. It’s about becoming one big family and finding our way in that journey. There’s room here for all of us and now we have a table that fits us as well.

Celebrating 2 Years Home!

I can't even begin to explain what has happened this past year. Our first year home was rough, that's putting it mildly. Our second year has been much smoother with our family finally rounding the corner. Our two new kids, who were absolutely terrified, arrived home not knowing a word of English. They were scared of every automatic bathroom hand dryer that turned on, every automatic door that opened, every escalator/elevator we took, every water fountain we used & every dog we saw! Yes, those kids, are now thriving! My words can not do their progress justice besides saying that it has been an amazing journey. I thank God for what He has done and that He allows us to play a part. We traded our comfortable life for one with more meaning. While I'd be lying if I said that everyday is my "best day ever," what I can say is that it's worth it. I count it, all of it, joy. "Love never fails..." 1 Cor 13:8


Year 2 Recap:
I have learned far more about child abuse & neglect than I ever wanted to know
Some days are very, very long, but so far I have a 100% success rate on making it through
What my kids really need is a momma who shows up each & every day
Grief & mourning are a process that can't be rushed
Sometimes my worst enemy is myself
Fear can have many faces and show up when you least expect it
Being content with what you have is more difficult than it sounds
It's ok to struggle, just don't give up
When I can't make it better, I just need to stand alongside my child
My kids have learned much more watching me fail than if I had lived perfectly
I don't have to be the perfect mom

21 Months In!

One of the best aspects of adopting older children, especially from another country, is hearing how they interpret life. There are common items that can be humorously explained by children who are seeing them for the first time.


Funny Things Kids Think-

The "No Sneakers" shoe sign at the McDonald's playground actually means No Stinky Feet!

"I want to go sliding," which most others call skiing.

The symbol painted on certain parking spots closest to stores is really showing a person sitting on a toilet.

The "foot fingers" are really toes.

Halloween is a strange event when strangers, dressed in costumes, knock on our door and we give them candy...alright, this is exactly what happens. They thought this was crazy but, then wanted to do it every day. Trying to explain that there is only one special day of the year we can do this now seemed even more bizarre.

15 months in...

So we're home 15 months. What's going on?

O- He's learning English & talking up a storm! He is starting to not be so upset when his sisters have "sister time," which basically translates to "little brother, leave us alone to play girl stuff." This used to be really hard for him & he just felt left out. He is beginning to enjoy time w/ the big boys.  Long story short, it's hard to be the little guy when you have 4 older siblings all trying to tell you what to do. But, when pushed, motivation can move us & he is starting to find his voice. It's a good thing...on most days. Who thought that hearing your kiddo say no would bring forth a smile on his momma's face? He spent so many of his first months home quiet that we actually wondered if he could talk. Now we know better :) Overall, this little one who was absolutely terrified of life is finally emerging out of his shell.

L- She has learned English in record time & has been using it to tell everyone else what to do. Heard of the strong-willed child...oh my goodness! It is hard when you were the oldest & now you're number 4. But, she doesn't let this stop her from trying. She just might be a CEO when she grows up! She is extremely self-motivated, fantastic at reading the room & practically self-sufficient (or so she believes.) She has kept me on my toes! She has this rather annoying trait of being a perfectionist- (inside joke) she did NOT get this from me...seriously, she could have. Don't you hate it when your kids bring out your own issues? Main point here, she has adjusted amazingly well to the point where people we just meet think we are joking when we say that she's only home from Russia 15 months. This girl is a survivor. That being said, learning to live in a family & actually have parents that are telling you what to do all the time is very difficult for L. Her basic trust of adults has been broken & trying to rebuild that trust is slow-going, but progress is being made!

The other 3- they have all been growing like weeds! They have all done a great job of being patient & teaching their new brother & sister about life in a family. Necessity has prodded them to be more independent, which has been good for them & me. They are far busier this school year than ever before, but are enjoying the change. Having 2 new teenagers in the house has reminded me just how little time we really have with our kids before they're gone. We have now started counting down to life events instead of counting up. It goes too fast!

No one would be surprised that going from 3 to 5 kids has had its difficulties. We had huge transitions the first year home. 2014 has been a welcomed new year & we feel that we are starting the find a rhythm. Life is settling down & we are finding a new normal.

I pray that writing about our journey helps others. This year I am working on living out what's important rather than focusing on living life perfectly. For me, this has always been difficult. It took a good friend to tell me that I was doing a good job, that I was a good mom before I actually allowed myself to believe it. Parenting is hard. It's not about being a perfect parent. God does not want me to spend so much time worrying over the things that I missed, or ways I messed up, or the things I could have done better because then I tend to miss all the things that went right, or ways I did help, or things I did well.

"I think in twenty years, we will regret more of the things we didn't do than things we did imperfectly." Jennie Allen

One Year Anniversary!

Can you believe it?

It's been one year!

It's been a busy & crazy year, but WE MADE IT!!!

Looking forward to life settling down...just a bit ;)

Birthday Girl!

We had a very happy birthday!

L was very excited & busy all day telling everyone, "It's my birthday!"
We let her pick out her present (no surprises work better for us.)
I was worried that she would be displeased when she received it, but guess what? It was exactly what she wanted :) Everything went well! She had a small party with a few friends, a craft & cupcakes. Although her anxiety was high, she had a great time. We are learning that simple right now is better!

Last year we saw her 2 weeks before her birthday & then picked her up 3 weeks after her birthday. We were able to leave a card & chocolate for her & O. This year, we got to spend her birthday as a family. There are only a few things left to experience for the first time as we come up on our year anniversary!