Waiting, what's up with that?

It’s been awhile. I know. It’s been rough. It’s hard to write when days are full of emotional roller coasters. Then add the full schedule of homeschooling life…and that brings us to today, 4 months since the last post.  Waiting’s not easy. I’m not good at it. Although, I think I’m getting better at it. Well, moving on… I read another blogger call this adoption waiting process “Waiting Purgatory.” That’s about how I feel. We wait, still no girl.

Moldova is now finished with their new adoption law changes. What does this mean exactly? I don't know exactly. No one seems to know exactly. But, we are pleased that the process is done & referrals should be coming in again soon.

Christmas is coming. It’s unlikely (highly unlikely, but you see I still hold it possible in my mind)  that she’ll be home. I’m still holding out hope that we may get the call before Christmas. Would that make it easier or more difficult? The problem is- I FEEL ready. I feel like I’m ready for all of this to happen today, right now to be honest (ring phone, RING!)  But, God’s not moving any faster. Her bed is ready, the sandbox is ready, clothes in different sizes are ready,Christmas gifts from last Christmas & now this upcoming Christmas are ready. Aren’t we ready?

I packed away winter clothes thinking “Next time I unpack these clothes, maybe she’ll be home.” Summer ended. I packed away summer clothes assured “When I unpack THESE clothes, she’ll be home!” Yes, it’s the clothes…unpacking winter clothes won’t bring her home but, YES it’s the unpacking of the SUMMER clothes!!!  But, alas, I’ve unpacked winter & summer clothes several times now…still no little girl in that 4^th bed. So, we wait. We wait & I dream about what it’ll be like when that phone does ring. What will I say? What will we do next? How fast can I get there!!! Then the thought occurs to me. Have I thought about today? What are the plans for today, Lord? What about today. Yes, waiting is hard. But, I am thankful that I have today…girl or no girl.

What to do when the encourager needs encouragement...

I won’t lie, it’s been a tough month!  We received an update from our adoption agency a few weeks ago saying that summer’s a slow time for business in Europe & basically their process to get reaccredited has gone nowhere fast.  I am trying so hard to be patient but, really I am not a patient person.  I suspect, this is exactly why I am still waiting…the Lord’s working on my patience again.  Really?  Didn’t we do this when my kids when little? I thought we were done with this! Well, apparently not.

I actually started this blog in my head many times before today.  It started out “I’m in a bad place right now…”  Who wants to read that?  I just couldn’t get myself to type out the words because I had nothing good to say. You see, I’m an encourager. That’s what I do. I am compelled to encourage someone when I hear them down or needing someone to talk to. I just can’t walk away until I feel I’ve done my part.  So what do you do when you’re the encourager & you need to be encouraged?  I talked a lot to my husband, prayed & prayed again, dumped on a few friends, gone to church, cried on the phone to my father-in-law, searched my Bible & tried to be patient!  I’d like to say that I have it all figured out & list my solution for you. But, the truth is that I’m struggling to find my way through this adoption journey.  

What I can say is when you receive a small sliver of hope, or an email from your adoption agency, a day can make a huge difference.  (Here’s where I get to wrap up the blog on a positive!)  The email said that they have received the new regulations from Moldova, which they were waiting for, & now things are starting to move forward again. Yeah, double yeah!  Since I received that news, I am now able to write this blog for the month of July- plus it’s the last day of the month & I just can’t stand having a month without a little 1 next to it in the right column :o).  So, we continue to prepare for our new daughter as the days pass & not let our hope fade as we wait upon Him…PATIENTLY. 

P.S.  I refinished the sandbox & Hannah helped me fill it with new sand. She can’t wait to play in it with you! 

Adopting? Hope you like roller coasters.

When I was younger, I loved riding roller coasters. I loved the short & fast ones, the twisty-twirly ones, the ones that went backwards & upside down, even the bump, jerky ones. I didn’t really understand why some people didn’t like roller coasters. Some said roller coasters made them dizzy, sick or feel like they were out of control.

Well, now here I am. I don’t like roller coasters. I’ve wondered about when this change happened. Coincidentally, it happened around the time I became a mom. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a subtle change that wouldn’t go away & continues to get worse. Last summer, I took my kids to Elitch Gardens & carefully picked one ride, which I thought would be ok. It was my last. Sorry kids, I’m one of “those” people now…can’t do rides. I have mentioned this to some of my mom friends & many have had the same experience. Maybe that’s why they post the “No pregnant women” signs in front of roller coasters. They know that once you become a mom, that’s it, no more riding for you! What was it about becoming a mom that turned me into the “can’t do rides” person? My conclusion, it’s just not fun anymore. I don’t like when it goes fast. I worry Jake’s car will fly off the track. When it’s too twisty, I wonder if Hannah is getting smushed beside me. When it’s too bumpy, I fear Tommy will fall out.  I suppose roller coasters were fun when I had nothing to lose. Now, I have 3 kids that want to ride them & all I can think about is what can go wrong. It’s hard to relax & enjoy the ride.

This is about when I realize that it’s not just about roller coasters. Right now, I feel that I am in the prime of my life. (No, stop laughing, I don’t mean physically.) I have most of the things I dreamed about as a little girl: husband, kids, house, car, dog, cat, other assorted animals, etc. But, sometimes I get so wrapped up in the details of everyday mom life, that I miss the ride. I forget to enjoy my kids today. I don’t always find it amusing when they can’t remember something I’ve told them a hundred times. I don’t always laugh when they make up a joke that makes no sense. I don’t always drop what I’m doing when someone comes to me for a snuggle. One thing I know for certain, they won’t be little for long. It’s not really the destination that we dreamed about but, the journey to it.

We received news last week that our country, Moldova, is closed. This means for the time being, no more referrals are being made. It’s supposed to only last a few months, but no one knows for sure. So, am I enjoying the journey? Honestly, it really depends on what day you ask me. I’m trying. I’m praying. I know God is in control & apparently, He likes the CRAZY roller coasters! So, come ride along with us. I can’t promise that I know exactly the way but, I’m following a mighty God & He won’t let me down. Left to myself, I’m pretty sure I would have chosen the merry-go-round. But, that just goes around & around. It’s good for scenery. It makes you feel like you’re going somewhere, only you end up right where you started. We were led to this twisty-twirly, bumpy, upside-down & sometimes backward roller coast ride. I will be happy when we reach the end. Our daughter is there waiting for us. The daughter I waited for. Luckily, once we get there our journey is not over, but just beginning.

What to do while you wait...get chickens?

I've had this conflicting feeling lately. I feel a little guilty every time we do something new because #4 is missing out. I somehow feel that we should put everything on hold until she comes home. She's missed so much already & I don't want her to miss out on anything else. I realize as I type this that it isn't practical, but a lot of times our feelings aren't practical. They are what they are & we feel them either way. I read in a devotion book from Show Hope that we shouldn't make our existing families wait because we are in the waiting process. What? Does someone know about this? Are you telling me that I'm not the first mom to go through this adoption waiting process! haha. Sometimes knowing someone else has been there helps, sometimes it doesn't. I'm still waiting & they can't change that. But, it can help me deal better with the circumstances I find myself in. To not take my kids to the pool, or not go out to eat, or not see a movie because we are waiting for another child is like pouting to God. It's like me telling Him "All this is not enough. All that You've blessed me with, I don't care. I want this & I want it now." Ouch. Not particularly the attitude I'm teaching my children to have, right? Isn't there somewhere in the Bible where it says that we should be content in our circumstances, not wanting, that God provides for all the birds of the earth & He will take care of us, His children. And that's when it hits me. His children. Our #4 is His child, not just ours. Doesn't He want what's best for her? Won't He provide for her needs while we cannot? I can do all things through Christ...even this. It's gonna be alright. I've waited for lots of things. Eventually, the pieces fall into place & we realize the timetables match up for things to have worked out perfectly. I just hope that I'm getting better at this wait thing. Why struggle through it & gain nothing. That's a waste.  What about having fun? Yes, it's even ok to have a little fun while we are waiting. It's not only ok, be good to enjoy the blessings we've been given even if #4 is not with us yet.

What are we supposed to do while we are waiting? We were told early on that waiting is a big part of the adoption process. We had better get used to it & learn to embrace it now because it doesn't get any easier. In fact, it's one of the things about adoption that can drive you insane if you let it. God knows the plan. The whole plan. But, I can't help but wonder-will we get the call tomorrow? Maybe it'll be next week. Or it could be next month...well, I do have some VBS plans & there's the conference, but we can work around that, right? OK, I'll fess up-I JUST WANT TO KNOW! I'm not good with this waiting thing, in fact I've never been good at this waiting thing! I'd really, REALLY like to know when this is going to happen. While we're at it, I also want to know how this will all play out. When will we travel? Will we have all the money we need? Will the travel times be extended? Will the people like the gifts I brought? What will our little girl look like? How old will she be? What size will she wear? Will she like the snacks we bring? Will she take right to us or grow to accept us slowly? What about the kids. Will they travel well? Will they get along with their new sister? Then I realize why God doesn't give us all the info up front. It's exhausting & overwhelming & we haven't even gotten the call yet! God gives us one piece at a time when we need it. It's like unwrapping a gift. Each unfolding movement reveals another look at this precious gift we are given. I need to be pateint. Well, I'm not going to be praying for that. The big joke about new moms is that they all pray for patience. Then they find themselves in all sorts of situations that require them to learn to be patient. Truth be told, I think I am more patient now than when I was a new mom. Maybe He does know what He's doing, ya think?

It's also occurred to me that this waiting process is not just for us. It’s also for all of those around us. We are waiting. Our families are waiting. Our friends are waiting. Our little girl is waiting. I’m praying that God will use this waiting period to prepare our hearts for our daughter. I pray that He will prepare her heart for us. I pray that the hearts of all our family & friends will be ready to accept & love her when she finally comes home.

So, what's a family to do while waiting for the call? For our family, the answer is: get chickens. I'm going to guess that this may not be the typical answer. But, then again, we are not the typical family. We're Christians, mom doesn't work & we don't even send our kids to school! I know, we break all the American rules. :o)  So, we get chickens. Believe it or not, our suburban town allows 4 chickens (hens) per households-no roosters. We have several friends who have chickens. I have a few friends that have horses, etc. I even have a friend that just bought an entire farm! (She has chickens & a rooster!) We can do this. My cousin, who is an urban chicken expert, says chickens are easier to raise than cats. We have cats! We CAN do this! As you read this, our bath tub is filled with wood chips & 4 adorable little chicks. They are so cute! They make cute little chirps behind the shower door which keep our 2 cats on their toes. The kids have named them & renamed them. Without any further ado, I give you: Spots, Clucker, Elizabeth & Marsala. Never a dull moment at the Henson House!

 Clucker

 Spots

 Elizabeth

 Marsala

Day 1...Go!

So, here I am. After all the excuses, I am finally starting a blog! Basically, this blog is to keep all our family & friends updated on our family. We are anxiously awaiting the arrival of child number 4. The process is a little different this time since we are adopting. It's been quite a learning experience- thus, the title of the blog: Waiting Upon God. Hope you enjoy tagging along on our journey!