As we pack for our first family vacation, L is scared. We see some
old behaviors from her initial months home that we thought were long
gone. This is a clue that although she puts up a good front, she is still
scared, still worried & still can throw on her game face in a flash. Below is a list of her words as the day to leave approaches.
L's worries-
Dad will get fired because we took a vacation
When we go to the beach, we won't have food
That the sand will hurt her
Scared of creatures in water
She might get sick in the car
Where will everyone Sleep
That Grandma's house has no beds
She will miss the pets
She will miss the house
That she will not come back home
We have returned!
Overall, the trip went well. L did regress at times, grab a few tricks
out of her old bag, get jealous, get sad, have a few
meltdowns, freak out a bit...BUT, we were able to have fun, do all the
things we set out to do & the world didn't end! It's all about expectations.
One of the days, we went to the beach. It reminded me of another day at the beach, when I was a little girl. I wanted so badly to play in the waves. I remember being excited, but also afraid. My mother noticed. She came over to me. I could see her smiling, coaxing me to come into the water. The waves crashed & I ran. She laughed. She came out of the water to hold my hand. She walked with me. The next wave came. I fell down & began crying again. She then picked me up & held me. Slowly, the waves became less scary. Eventually, it became fun, in the safety of my mother's arms.
I miss my mom. She died 16 years ago.
L & O miss their first mom, too. They want so badly to participate in life, but are so very afraid.
This is my promise to them:
I won't give up on you.
I will be there when you cry, when you're scared & when you want to run away.
I will help you face your fears.
I will walk with you, hold your hand & pick you up when you can't do it alone.
My hope is that one day you will both realize that you don't have to be scared anymore.
Life can be good. Life can be fun.
I can't wait until our next vacation...
