Loving Through Grieving

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”  Matthew 5:4

Raising children with special needs has meant living through cycles of joy and grief. Grief of what was lost or will never be. The grief doesn’t come all at once. It’s more like waves in the ocean. I find it very calming to sit at the beach watching the waves come in and go. You would assume this process would produce the same wave over and over. But, it doesn’t. Each wave is a little different from the one before yet, some parts remain constant. The one thing you can always bet on is that there is another wave to come.

People laugh when I tell them we are a special family. All five of my children could be diagnosed with at least one special need. We make these arbitrary boxes to explain how our children are different in hopes of “helping” them become the people we would like them to be. It pales in comparison to what God wants them to be. From the first moment we became parents, we realized our children might not match the perfect image we held in our heads. That was the moment I confessed to God that I didn’t care what special needs our children had, I just wanted to raise them. The truth is none of us are as perfect as we believe.

Raising children with needs has changed me. I had hopes and dreams scratched and torn by doses of life until I realized that what was left was not worse, just different than I had imagined. When I’ve prayed asking Him to help me with direction, compassion, or kindness towards my children, He never fails. Little by little, this allows His purpose and His plans to take the place of mine, like the waves in the ocean. Trust builds. My fears subside. His glory shines. 

Children are a blessing from the Lord. Always. It doesn’t matter which box society puts them in. I love them even as I grieve when my childrens’ abilities don’t match what I had hoped for. God loves them as they are and has plans for them, disabilities or not. Let the glory be His alone. I am blessed.