Celebrating 2 Years Home!

I can't even begin to explain what has happened this past year. Our first year home was rough, that's putting it mildly. Our second year has been much smoother with our family finally rounding the corner. Our two new kids, who were absolutely terrified, arrived home not knowing a word of English. They were scared of every automatic bathroom hand dryer that turned on, every automatic door that opened, every escalator/elevator we took, every water fountain we used & every dog we saw! Yes, those kids, are now thriving! My words can not do their progress justice besides saying that it has been an amazing journey. I thank God for what He has done and that He allows us to play a part. We traded our comfortable life for one with more meaning. While I'd be lying if I said that everyday is my "best day ever," what I can say is that it's worth it. I count it, all of it, joy. "Love never fails..." 1 Cor 13:8


Year 2 Recap:
I have learned far more about child abuse & neglect than I ever wanted to know
Some days are very, very long, but so far I have a 100% success rate on making it through
What my kids really need is a momma who shows up each & every day
Grief & mourning are a process that can't be rushed
Sometimes my worst enemy is myself
Fear can have many faces and show up when you least expect it
Being content with what you have is more difficult than it sounds
It's ok to struggle, just don't give up
When I can't make it better, I just need to stand alongside my child
My kids have learned much more watching me fail than if I had lived perfectly
I don't have to be the perfect mom

21 Months In!

One of the best aspects of adopting older children, especially from another country, is hearing how they interpret life. There are common items that can be humorously explained by children who are seeing them for the first time.


Funny Things Kids Think-

The "No Sneakers" shoe sign at the McDonald's playground actually means No Stinky Feet!

"I want to go sliding," which most others call skiing.

The symbol painted on certain parking spots closest to stores is really showing a person sitting on a toilet.

The "foot fingers" are really toes.

Halloween is a strange event when strangers, dressed in costumes, knock on our door and we give them candy...alright, this is exactly what happens. They thought this was crazy but, then wanted to do it every day. Trying to explain that there is only one special day of the year we can do this now seemed even more bizarre.

15 months in...

So we're home 15 months. What's going on?

O- He's learning English & talking up a storm! He is starting to not be so upset when his sisters have "sister time," which basically translates to "little brother, leave us alone to play girl stuff." This used to be really hard for him & he just felt left out. He is beginning to enjoy time w/ the big boys.  Long story short, it's hard to be the little guy when you have 4 older siblings all trying to tell you what to do. But, when pushed, motivation can move us & he is starting to find his voice. It's a good thing...on most days. Who thought that hearing your kiddo say no would bring forth a smile on his momma's face? He spent so many of his first months home quiet that we actually wondered if he could talk. Now we know better :) Overall, this little one who was absolutely terrified of life is finally emerging out of his shell.

L- She has learned English in record time & has been using it to tell everyone else what to do. Heard of the strong-willed child...oh my goodness! It is hard when you were the oldest & now you're number 4. But, she doesn't let this stop her from trying. She just might be a CEO when she grows up! She is extremely self-motivated, fantastic at reading the room & practically self-sufficient (or so she believes.) She has kept me on my toes! She has this rather annoying trait of being a perfectionist- (inside joke) she did NOT get this from me...seriously, she could have. Don't you hate it when your kids bring out your own issues? Main point here, she has adjusted amazingly well to the point where people we just meet think we are joking when we say that she's only home from Russia 15 months. This girl is a survivor. That being said, learning to live in a family & actually have parents that are telling you what to do all the time is very difficult for L. Her basic trust of adults has been broken & trying to rebuild that trust is slow-going, but progress is being made!

The other 3- they have all been growing like weeds! They have all done a great job of being patient & teaching their new brother & sister about life in a family. Necessity has prodded them to be more independent, which has been good for them & me. They are far busier this school year than ever before, but are enjoying the change. Having 2 new teenagers in the house has reminded me just how little time we really have with our kids before they're gone. We have now started counting down to life events instead of counting up. It goes too fast!

No one would be surprised that going from 3 to 5 kids has had its difficulties. We had huge transitions the first year home. 2014 has been a welcomed new year & we feel that we are starting the find a rhythm. Life is settling down & we are finding a new normal.

I pray that writing about our journey helps others. This year I am working on living out what's important rather than focusing on living life perfectly. For me, this has always been difficult. It took a good friend to tell me that I was doing a good job, that I was a good mom before I actually allowed myself to believe it. Parenting is hard. It's not about being a perfect parent. God does not want me to spend so much time worrying over the things that I missed, or ways I messed up, or the things I could have done better because then I tend to miss all the things that went right, or ways I did help, or things I did well.

"I think in twenty years, we will regret more of the things we didn't do than things we did imperfectly." Jennie Allen

One Year Anniversary!

Can you believe it?

It's been one year!

It's been a busy & crazy year, but WE MADE IT!!!

Looking forward to life settling down...just a bit ;)

Birthday Girl!

We had a very happy birthday!

L was very excited & busy all day telling everyone, "It's my birthday!"
We let her pick out her present (no surprises work better for us.)
I was worried that she would be displeased when she received it, but guess what? It was exactly what she wanted :) Everything went well! She had a small party with a few friends, a craft & cupcakes. Although her anxiety was high, she had a great time. We are learning that simple right now is better!

Last year we saw her 2 weeks before her birthday & then picked her up 3 weeks after her birthday. We were able to leave a card & chocolate for her & O. This year, we got to spend her birthday as a family. There are only a few things left to experience for the first time as we come up on our year anniversary!

Our Vacation

As we pack for our first family vacation, L is scared. We see some old behaviors from her initial months home that we thought were long gone. This is a clue that although she puts up a good front, she is still  scared, still worried & still can throw on her game face in a flash. Below is a list of her words as the day to leave approaches.

L's worries-

Dad will get fired because we took a vacation
When we go to the beach, we won't have food
That the sand will hurt her
Scared of creatures in water
She might get sick in the car
Where will everyone Sleep
That Grandma's house has no beds
She will miss the pets
She will miss the house
That she will not come back home


We have returned!

Overall, the trip went well. L did regress at times, grab a few tricks out of her old bag, get jealous, get sad, have a few meltdowns, freak out a bit...BUT, we were able to have fun, do all the things we set out to do & the world didn't end! It's all about expectations.

One of the days, we went to the beach. It reminded me of another day at the beach, when I was a little girl. I wanted so badly to play in the waves. I remember being excited, but also afraid. My mother noticed. She came over to me. I could see her smiling, coaxing me to come into the water. The waves crashed & I ran. She laughed. She came out of the water to hold my hand. She walked with me. The next wave came. I fell down & began crying again. She then picked me up & held me. Slowly, the waves became less scary. Eventually, it became fun, in the safety of my mother's arms.

I miss my mom. She died 16 years ago.

L & O miss their first mom, too. They want so badly to participate in life, but are so very afraid.


This is my promise to them:
I won't give up on you.
I will be there when you cry, when you're scared & when you want to run away.
I will help you face your fears.
I will walk with you, hold your hand & pick you up when you can't do it alone.
My hope is that one day you will both realize that you don't have to be scared anymore.
Life can be good. Life can be fun.

I can't wait until our next vacation...

9 months in...

The Little O

We knew our son enough at 9 months to realize that he was terrified...absolutely terrified...of everything.
Looking back, there were some things we missed:
He didn't talk.
He didn't do anything to cause trouble.
He was a good quiet boy who mostly played in the corner.
He always played where he could see us, but was far enough away to escape if needed.
He was still delayed in language, apparently both languages.
Our primary focus shifted to making him feel safe before all else.





Mom Update

I've Struggled. I've struggled more than hubby. I have a repeating cycle of ups & downs. Thank goodness dh works from home because I have relied on him much more than I imagined I would. I sometimes sneak into his office for a quick break hoping no one saw me. Sometimes I send a kid into his office when I can't deal with their problem/issue/drama at that moment.
I've found it difficult to write at times. I'm not sure what I'll want to remember & what I'd rather forget.

Life feels a lot like when I first became a mom:
Exhausted
House a mess
Catching naps just to make it thought the day.

We are planning our first family vacation. It's crossed my mind that this might be a bad idea. I have heard some horror stories. There's only one way to find out...