Off to get the kids!

We head out to meet our driver. One more long bouncy car ride & we are there! He has a new car. It's smaller. I'm hoping he remembers that we will be picking up two kids when we leave today. I don't ask. It's more comfortable & warmer than his old minivan...definitely less bouncy, which I appreciate.

We have lunch at Corbin's favorite place (wink) just outside of the orphanage. I begged him to order pasta, but alas, he decides to order pizza...again. He has never liked the pizza once here, but still orders it. He tells me that he has a new angle today. He requests just pepperoni pizza. He is denied. That is not on the menu. How about just cheese pizza? No, that is not on the menu either. They have an entire list of pizzas they make. All of them have strange toppings. We are told that they make the pizzas fresh here, but somehow they can not just put on cheese. Whatever. I told him to get the pasta.

Finally, we are on our way to get the kids! It's about 4pm & the sun is setting. We arrive & the director is more friendly this time. She still avoids eye contact, but shows a slight smile to us. We get to the room where we always visit the kids & they are already waiting for us. They are excited, but certainly nervous, too. They are coloring. The psychologist is in the room working w/ another student who is not introduced to us. After a few minutes, she directs our kids to play w/ toys. L pulls out a small dollhouse & O grabs a large car. L takes out all the small animals & divides them into groups. She sets up little trees & gives the animals hay. She then returns to rearrange the small cardboard furniture in the dollhouse. By this time, O is driving around the room w/ his car. He clumsily drives through L's zoo. Trees fall & animals are knocked over. I'm guessing this may have happened before since his sister doesn't mind too much.

The kids leave for dinner briefly while we sit down w/ our translator. The director goes over the kids' schedule & I write feverishly. There are a few last papers to sign. I have a list of questions I'd like to ask if time permits. The kids have eaten in record time & are now back. L remembers the photo books we gave them last time & tells the director they don't have them. They run back to their rooms to retrieve them, but can not find them.

It's time to prepare to leave & the tension in the room increases. We have a complete set of clothes for each of them. The director watches as we pull out shirts & pants, socks & underwear, hats, coats & boots. "These pants are too thin," she says. "We will put snow pants over them," I reply. "The air will go right through this sweater," she says. "We will put this shirt underneath it," I reply. She looks over the coats, hats & gloves. She seems pleased. Russians are serious when it comes to keeping kids warm in the winter. "Scarf? There are no scarves!" She says. (She almost had me on this one. As we were packing the bag I remembered the scarves last & so they were thrown into the side pocket.) "No, I have scarves," I reply...thank goodness! I got the feeling that she was ready to tell us to come back tomorrow since I didn't have a scarf :) Now we are ready. I realize I can't find my glove. Corbin tells me not to worry about it, we need to go. I look everywhere. The kids join in. Corbin offers to buy me a new pair. It's got to be here! The other adults join the search. This is crazy! It's got to be here! I didn't go anywhere else. No luck. Finally, I give in & Corbin hands me his gloves.

As we get to the front of the building the director says something quickly & runs inside. Our translator tells us to wait here. I can see the car. I just want to get in the car. It is cold. The director returns w/ the social worker. They talk w/ the kids, give them hugs, give them kisses & then another big hug. I can see them crying, trying to hold it back. It is hard to watch them. Before we leave she asks me, "Please take care of our children." I can barely respond. "Of course, we will." We are all on the verge on tears & everyone is trying to keep it together for the sake of the kids. I grab their little hands & turn toward the car. We get in.

It is completely dark outside. The car drives slowly on the dirt driveway. As we pull away from the orphanage I turn & see two middle-aged woman watching our car leave w/ their arms intertwined. They turn & embrace each other. I look down at our children. I know they were loved by these women. Although they are happy to have found them a family, it still hurts to let them go...especially to let them go out of Russia. I know they are also worried. They don't know us very well. They have heard horror stories of American parents hurting Russian children. They are taking a chance that we will be good parents to them, that we will love them as we love our biological children & that they will be better off w/ us. Here at the orphanage, the director can be sure that their basic needs are taken care & that they are safe. But, what she can not offer them is a family.

I wondered how this part would play out. Now, I know. It's painful. There are parts of adoption that are painful. You can't undo the pain, you can't make it go away. It's part of the process. I can only do my part to make things better & although leaving the orphanage is painful, leaving my kids there does not make their life better.