Posts Temporarily Held

Just a quick note that I pulled back 3 posts this morning temporarily until our adoption is complete. I want to be sure there is no sensitive information that could jeopardize our adoption. Thanks for your understanding.

Ready!

Yesterday was our first full day back. I thought it would have taken me longer to adjust to Colorado time again, but no. I had a full day of relaxing & seeing my family. Now I'm ready to return. Enough said.

To Denver!

Early rise, 8:45 flight. I am happy to be heading home. This has been a busy trip, both physically & emotionally exhausting. 

As I pack up our things, sadness fills my heart. I wonder why. I am ready to go home, to go back to the place where all is familiar & comfortable. I realize it's because now I am leaving two children behind. I have come full circle. When we left for Russia, I was full the anticipation of meeting the two children I held in my heart. I was also saddened to leave behind my first three. Now, I am anxious to get home to them, but at the cost of leaving here my two new ones. 

I have never been good at leaving my children w/ other people. I have always preferred taking them w/ me, wherever I go. But, that's not always possible. After this first trip, I realize that this is one of those times. I must trust their care to others as we make this transition. Luckily, all of them are in good care & I can trust that God is watching over all five of them.

At the airport, my heart jumps at the sound of a little girl speaking Russian as she plays.  For a moment, I thought it was Lera. I can picture her face. I take in a deep breath. I hope her knows that I'm thinking of her.

The Last Day

As our trains pulls into the station, we notice it's raining. By the time we make it to our driver, my shoes are drenched & my clothes are soaked.

As we check into the hotel, we are told that our luggage has arrived. Thankfully, I put on clean, dry clothes. I'm ready to shop! I have some gifts & souvenirs I'd like to bring home. The rain has stopped. We visit Red Square & enjoy our last hours here in Moscow. By the time we have dinner, I am ready to get home. It's been a crazy trip.

Russian doctors & Notaries

We are picked up early w/ a list of doctors to see. We meet someone at the hospital who is supposed to help us mitigate the doctor visits...I'm unsure exactly what this means. She seems nice. There are long lines in the lobby. We skip the lobby. Since we are not Russian citizens, we have no file & they have no way to get payment from the government for us. We go directly to each doctor's office. The buildings look like they are out of a 1940's American movie. They are old, but clean. I am surprised that each doctor actually does all the work. Their nurse sits across from them in another desk. The offices are very basic. There are no computers. Everything is handwritten, in blue ink, signed & stamped. At first, this system seems totally chaotic to me. But after a little while, I begin to see how things work & realize it's just different from what I'm used to. Inside the hospital building, patients walk to each doctor's office. Actually, this makes sense!

Other differences I notice- 

There were no shades on the windows, which is fine, until They ask you to take off your clothes.

I'm asked to pee in a cup. They point to a small closet behind me w/ a curtain. There are 4 buckets, but no toilet or toilet paper.

Things can get lost in translation! They were confused as to why I regularly see a dermatologist for skin cancer if I do not have cancer & Corbin tried to tell the neurologist that he IS a doctor! Awesome!

We were able to have our lab work & X-rays done in the US. This is great, but also meant that we had to hand-carry these X-rays through 4 airports, a train, several cars & many taxis. We look a little ridiculous carrying these large X-rays around. At the hospital, our translator tells us that we could have brought them on a disk, which is interesting since we didn't see one computer in the entire building. When all the doctor visits are complete, we notice that no one asked us for them...figures.

Next, we head over to the Notary's office. A court appointed translator meets us there. As she chats w/ our adoption agency translator, she pulls out a computer disk...it's a floppy! Good thing we didn't bring our X-rays on disk! I'm not sure where we would have gotten a floppy disk.

Finally it's our turn. Our court appointed translator asks us to review the document, which is in both Russian & English. We do & sign the bottom. It is now official! We are petitioning the court for the adoption of L & O. We now wait for the court date to be set...yeah! We board the train back to Moscow & hope to see our luggage upon arrival!

Visit Two

We arrive to the meeting room shortly before Lera & Oleg. They seem happy to see us again. They are in the same clothes from yesterday. I read that many Russians will wear the same clothes for a few days before washing them. The kids immediately pull their new gifts from where they left them yesterday. We are told that all things are shared, they have nothing that is only theirs. I expect that these toys we brought them will be left at the orphanage when we take the kids home.

We are dressed a little more casual today. I have on Capri pants. I sit to play w/ Lera on the floor. I notice her eyes glance over to my legs & then she returns to playing. I wonder if she finds it odd that I am not wearing a skirt. In the villages, people dress much more traditionally than in Moscow. Most women wear dresses or skirts. Many have scarves on their heads tied under their chins. It seems popular to have long hair either braided or pulled back in a bun.

As we play w/ Lera & Oleg, the other ladies sit to chat in Russian around the table. It's a little nerve racking to feel like people are watching your every move & commenting about it. After a half hour, we are told that it's time to talk at the table. We have a list of questions that we would like answered. The orphanage doctor is here today. We ask the questions, wait for translation, listen for the answer & then wait for translation again. We have never received any actually paperwork on Lera & Oleg, everything has been verbal. I write as fast as I can. There is so much information at once. I don't want to forget anything. One day, my kids will ask me about these things. Dates are given for a number of things which will help us later try to piece together their story. There are a few times when answers are vague & we push. Every detail will be important to them as they grow older. At this point, I am unsure what paperwork we will receive , if any, as far as their original files go. 

One important detail we are able to clear up is Oleg's age. We were told originally that he was 4. From our video, we were able to translate his month of birth & realized that he was 5. Yesterday, we were told at least three separate times that he was 4. Today we clarify his birthdate. It's quiet. I mention again about the confusion about the birthdate. It's quiet. Finally, someone says that he is now 5. Corbin & I talked about this later. We really do not feel that they were trying to mislead us into believing that he was younger than he really was. I believe that unfortunately, he had a birthday shortly after they prepared the referral paperwork & it was just overlooked. It makes me sad that our little boy turned 5 & no one noticed. I'm unsure if he knew he had turned 5 either.

Soon after our visit ends. The kids give me a hug & Oleg gives Corbin a hug. Lera is still unsure about Corbin & shys away. We were warned before visiting that many of the children are weary of men. Most of the adults they see are women. The kids stand next to each other w/ big smiles on their faces as we take one last photo. It's hard to walk away from them. I know we will be back. I know they are taken care of here. I know the staff loves them. I also realize that they would not be ready to come home today. They have had fun w/ their visitors, Suzanne & Corbin. I'm sure that they have some idea about what is going on. I'm sure there must have been other kids who had visitors & they came back to adopt them. But, for today we are just visitors who came to play w/ them & bring them toys. Tomorrow we will sign the papers to petition the court to adopt them. One step at a time.

The interesting hotel

When the car stops I am taken back when our translator tells us to step out. Why? Where are we? I thought we were going to the hotel...apparently, this is the hotel. OK, no problem, we can deal. I'm not high maintenance. One bed, one pillow & a toilet that needs fixing- this is our first impression. We skip dinner & go straight to bed, it's 7:20pm. I'm up at 11pm. It looks like Corbin never fell asleep. He is watching Russian tv w/o volume. After 30 minutes, I decide that having one pillow for two people is just crazy. I don't want to wake up our translator so, I take the pillow & key w/ me. My plan is to point to the pillow & then hold up two fingers. Very creative, I know. 

I end up lost, half asleep, w/ my pillow, standing in front of elevator that doesn't work. I am unsure if I have gotten turned around or if the elevator let me out, but won't open in the lobby since it's after hours. There is music coming from a room down the hall. A little girl runs in & out dancing w/ balloons in her hands. I am too embarrassed to let anyone know I am lost. Besides, I don't know how to say that in Russian anyway. After a short time, the owner happens to come around the corner & sees me. I execute my plan A. She laughs & retrieves a pillow from another room. She walks me to my room & I manage to say thank you in Russian.

Morning comes although we've been up since 3am. The shower only has lukewarm water. Since we slept on the train last night, which had no shower, I can't skip it because I have no idea what the next night will hold. The pipe from the shower head dumps out into the sink. We figure out how to turn it on & it leaks all over. I get in & try to finish as fast as I can. Corbin flushes the toilet & all water to the shower ceases. He has to manually pull the plug in the toilet tank to get it to flush. It doesn't seem to fit exactly where it was prior as I stand there cold. Eventually, he is able to fill up the tank & get the water redirected to my shower. 

In the cafe, we eat hot rice cereal & tea. It seems tea is more popular than coffee here. Then it's time to check out. As we sit waiting, the elevator door opens. An elderly lady emerges. She shuffle through the lobby, moaning as she takes each step. She enters through a door across from the lobby desk. After a minute she returns, shuffles back to the elevator & is gone. They must have some long term residents here.

We notice several people come into the lobby, talk w/ the receptionist & then place blue covers over their shoes. A nurse walks through the lobby carrying a large jar. It's hard not to notice a number of leeches in the jar. I feel like we have just stepped back in time. Do people still use those things? Apparently, they must have some type of medical office here, too. By far, this has been the most interesting hotel we have ever stayed in.

The orphanage visit

The dirt road is lined with beautiful tall trees on each side. A fence wraps around the orphanage building. Around the side of the main building is a sidewalk leading to a garden where the flowers are in bloom. There are walking paths around & playground equipment toward the back.

We enter the main building & are directed to the Orphanage Director's office. She looks like what I imagined a typical middle aged Russian woman would look like. She glances at us & doesn't break a smile. The statement we heard previously "they're excited you're coming" obviously didn't include her. I find out quickly that she is very skeptical of us & not a fan of foreign adoptions. She has heard some horror stories of Americans abusing/killing children adopted from Russia. (To date, there are 19 cases reported.) The day we arrive in Russia we were warned that another story ran on the news about an American doctor using his adopted Russian girls in experiments. Bad timing indeed. This Orphanage Director feels she is the safety net for all of her kids who are adopted. Once they leave her care, she can no longer make sure they are safe. This is the time she makes sure they will be. She takes her job very seriously. She wants to know why we want these two kids if we already have three kids. She wants to know why we are adopting. She wants to know if we are unable to have more biological children. There are many words exchanged between our translator & the director. Obviously, they are talking about us, but no one translates. She doesn't seem convinced, yet allows us to go see the children.

We follow the group of ladies into another building. There is our translator, the Orphanage Director, a government worker who will supervise our visit & us. We walk into another building where there are about 5 boys, who look 7-13 years old, hanging out on a sofa watching tv. All of them stop momentarily to say hello to us. We pass a few small rooms on the right which look like large closets. There are painted pipes in rows & shoes all lined up neatly across from them on shoe racks. The pipes must be for drying winter/wet clothes. The last room looks like a small classroom. It has a double row of small desks with chairs facing a larger desk & chair at the front of the room. At the end of the hall, we make our way up the stairs to turn left & enter an open room. This is the room from their video! It has a conference table & 6 chairs to our left, followed by a room divider & a play area with couches behind. On the right, there's a large stuffed bunny on a sofa that is surrounded by many small potted plants.  Lera & Oleg are there with the Orphanage Psychologist playing on the floor with toy animals. They are dressed up for their time with visitors. She is wearing a short sleeved cotton dress & big white ribbons on her ponytails. She has on striped socks & black sandals w/ a fancy diamond gem. He is wearing a short sleeved camo shirt with a collar & matching shorts.  He has on socks & soft shoes. Their hair looks like it has just been trimmed.

In case you don't know, I cry easily. I cry watching movies, commercials, listening to songs & just thinking about happy or sad things. One aspect that makes me cry often is my kids. I have tried to prepare myself to not cry when we meet them so they won't be confused or upset. But, they are beautiful! One look at their smiling faces & I am no good. I try to say hi in Russian but dare not try another word as I can feel myself getting choked up. Of all the times I have tried to play this moment out in my mind, I stand there paralyzed. Luckily, it seems that our translator has done this before & she suggests that we sit on the couch & watch them play. I am still trying my best to hold it together as I wipe small tears from my eyes. I try hard to keep smiling as Lera continues to look up at me.

She shows us animals. Oleg names them. She organizes them in groups. I can tell they are a little nervous & trying to show us how smart they are. They both use color pencils to color in pictures. On the opposite page, there is an example of the picture already done. I sit down on the floor w/ Oleg. I watch him color. He tries so hard to stay in the lines. Slowly I inch closer to him & ask him if I can help. He nods when I pick out a colored pencil & point to the area where I'm going to color. Corbin sits w/ Lera to watch her. She is very serious about her drawing. She wants it to be perfect.

Our translator suggests we give them the gifts we brought. Since our luggage was late, all the items I had carefully chosen to pack are not w/ us. We were able to make a quick stop at a local market. We picked out a small red truck for Oleg. For Lera, we chose a Barbie doll that says Happy Wedding in English on the package. It has a fancy dress, makeup compact &a plastic pink crown on a clip. Oleg tries to open the truck packaging but needs help. He hands the box to Corbin. There is a screw in the back & of course, no one has a screwdriver. Eventually Corbin frees the truck. Oleg is excited that the top of the cab comes off & it has a spare tire he sets into the bed.

Lera opens her box, but has trouble undoing where the doll's hair is sewn to the cardboard. She asks the psychologist for help & she suggests that she ask me to help her. I manage to untangle the hair. Lera picks up the tiny brush & straightens her hair. Next, she gets her doll ready by separating her hair into two parts. Then she braids one side & asks the Psychologist to braid the other. Halfway she braids them together. Lera sets her new doll in the baby doll stroller w/ her accessories. She strolls her over to the short table & makes a tea party for her doll. I ask to join in & we play for awhile. 

When she's done, she moves over to a large bookcase & picks out a book. She reads us the small Russian book. Oleg comes over to listen to her. He tries so hard to be quiet while his sister reads but, those wheels make that cool noise when they are pulled back. It is too tempting for a little boy! After the book, we pull out some puzzles. Lera has hexagon colored plastic pieces that fit together. She makes flowers & butterflies just like the girl on the box. Oleg puts together his own puzzles. They are so very busy & hardly speak.

Too soon we are told it's time to go. Although I really don't want to, I am relieved to be able to relax soon & not feel like I am on display. Maybe Lera feels the same way, too. After we step out of the building, I can feel my eyes begin to well up, but I can't stop the tears from falling. Our translator steps back confused. "Suzanne, why are you crying?" Does she not understand? I've waited so long for this day. "I don't want to leave them," I reply. I'm not sure she understands. I don't know what else I can say. Maybe she's not a mom.

A bumpy ride

A bumpy ride is actually a huge understatement. The roads in Moscow were in good condition. It was what I expected of any modern city. We were not prepared for the village roads. These roads through the countryside were an adventure! It's basically a two lane road, one lane for each direction, for our entire journey. Yes, there were bumps. There were potholes. There were areas in need to repair & areas being repaired. Then there is the rest of the road. I'm not exactly sure what the right terms are to describe it.

Imagine you are driving down a dirt road at 40 mph, in a truck. Now our roads were all paved mind you, they just feel like they are not. We drive over bumps & around potholes while passing cars, trucks, tractors, people walking, meandering dogs & a few stray chickens. Sort of a nice ride through the country. I enjoy a few hayrides in the fall. This reminds of that, but those usually last maybe 10 minutes or so. What if someone said "hey, let's go on a hayride for 5 hours!" Well, you're getting the idea now. The ride was so bumpy that I could not use my IPad. I'm sure I will see some very interesting photos when I get home. It's difficult to take pics out the window of a moving car when you can't keep a hold on your camera! There was no way I could have read. Make a note for next visit- no reason to carry 4 books for a week's trip when you'll never get through the first one.

So, add 2 adults chatting it up in Russian & some loud Russian/English music &there you have our car ride. It was quite an adventure! At times, I literally launched out of my seat & only stopped short of hitting my head on the roof by the seatbelt. I found the situation rather comical, but you look very foolish when you're the only one laughing. Taking all of this into account, it's amazing that both Corbin & I fell asleep at different points during the drive. Where there's a will, there's a way!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

A great deal of this trip is travel: 15 hours of air travel, 13 hours by train & 5 hours by car, all on the way there! Luckily, we usually travel well. The big difference in this trip was sleep or lack thereof. It's not the accommodations so much as it is the thoughts racing through our minds. What are we going to say? How will the kids react to meeting us? Will they like us? All these in between an hour or two of sleep. It doesn't help that I didn't sleep well the entire week leading up to the trip. The night train is no different.

I watched many kinds of scenery on the train. We started out in the city. Very typical city- buildings, people, walls, fences, graffiti. This gave way to trees. Lots of trees. Big beautiful green trees- pines, others that looked like Birch, some that looked like Aspens, bushes & wild flowers running along the sides of the tracks. As morning broke, the dew came down to settle just above the grasses through the trees. Scattered old farmhouses made of wood were hidden. Some were natural while others were painted. One had bright blue window frames, another was mustard yellow, others followed in Kelly Green, brown & Olive. It's hard to catch it all. I don't want to forget any of this. I suppose I can sleep tomorrow.

Most footage or photos I've seen of Russia is war related. The sights & sounds remind me of movies I've watched or photos I've seen around the WW2 era. When the train stops at each station a Russian voice speaks. I feel like I'm in a movie. Many of the buildings we pass also look like they were built during that era. I feel like we have just stepped by in time.

We have arrived!

The first look I got at Moscow was the moment I stepped out of the airport. It was beautiful! The sun had just set & a light fog was settling. We are absolutely exhausted. We haven't sleep well in the past week & didn't sleep any better on any of the flights. Traveling away from the direction of the sun, we see it go down & come up rapidly. Our internal clocks have no idea what time it is or even should be. We have eaten meals & snacks at strange times & we end up just missing a day somewhere in between. It's Saturday when we arrive in Moscow & are happy to finally be here.

In case I missed it, patience repeated

We are here! The plane has landed! Moscow, we are ready for you. Her reply is Americans, ready or not, here I come! As we disembark the aircraft, we follow the stream of passengers. Normally, this works out fine. But, when most of the passengers are coming home to Russia, this doesn't work so well. I suppose it's more helpful to actually look at the signs. 

OK, back on track. We find the right line of foreigners, check. We pass through customs, check. We find our baggage area, check. We look for our bag. We look for our bag. We check our baggage number, correct. No bag? Correct! We find two friendly employees, neither speak English. They find us another lady who does. She tracks our bag & finds out it didn't make it on the plane to London at Dallas. Serious delay. It caught another flight, but won't get to the airport in Moscow for 24 hours. Patience, remember? Go with the flow, I said before we left.

I will save you the details. With our travel itinerary moving along at a fast pace, we will always be a day ahead of wherever they can send the bag. Bottom line- we won't see our bag until the night before we leave Moscow. I suck it up. We take inventory. Everything we absolutely need is in our carry on. Really? Is that possible? Double check. Yes! We have everything necessary. Wow, God is good!

Moving along now. We find our driver, decide to go shopping tomorrow & order room service upon arrival at the hotel. Why is it that I am constantly getting tested on this patience thing? I've got this down...kind of. I believe that I passed...after an extremely short freak out moment, which 8'm sure no one even noticed :) Well, either way, the day is done. My burger with fries has arrived & I have my bottled water. I got it right this time! Apparently, all I needed was a little patience practice & to hold the panic.

Patience Now

Our last flight from London to Moscow is abroad Transaero Airlines, a Russian airline.  It's our first taste of interacting with people from Russia, many whom do not speak English. We are spoiled in the US. Most people visiting the US speak some English & when we travel many places have some English speakers. It's quite humbling to be surrounded be people all speaking another language. Most of the time, Americans just don't have to deal with fumbling with foreign words & settling with lots of smiling. Patience is required.

My first awkward encounter comes fast. I'm surprised at just how surprised I am by it! Time to order drinks. I've been on many planes. I know how this goes. Without thinking twice, I ask for water in English. There is silence. She replies in Russian. Ummmm, let's repeat slower & louder. Really? What am I thinking? Why do I think that works? Silence again. Smile? Panic sets in. I look at the cart & point to the first thing that looks familiar, Sprite. She says something in Russian, I nod yes & immediately think NO. What am I doing? I don't want Sprite! I want water! Why did I point to Sprite...which ironically is right next to the water! Well, it's poured. I drink it. I realize I seriously have to learn a little Russian.

To Russia w/ love

This is it. This is the day I've been waiting for! I am finally on board an airplane en route to see my two new children. It's hard to comprehend this is real. This is really happening. 

Yesterday was a busy, emotional day. Besides packing, I stopped at Costco to stock up on some food before leaving for Russia. I noticed some kid's clothing & decided to purchase a few items for my two new kids. I know this sounds like an uneventful task that moms do on a semi-regular basis, but this was the first time I have gotten to buy clothes for MY kids. Up until now, all the clothes I had saved for them was just that, for THEM. An unknown child. A child without a face. A little person who was yet to be seen by me. Now, I held up the outfit with navy & white stripes & a car on the front. I could see him. I could see his little smiling face wearing this outfit. And I knew if I stood there too long staring, the tears would come.

Another moment hit me at Wal-Mart. I saw a toddler board book "My First 100 Words." I picked it up thinking that it would be useful. I imagined myself sitting on the plane, with two new kids, going through the book, pointing & speaking the English words. That's when it hit me. I get to teach them English! I may not have been there where they spoke their first word, but I will be there when they speak their first English word! Of course, it's a strange moment when an employee bumps into you, your eyes filled with tears, while holding a silly book. I wish I would have gotten that adoption t-shirt that says "adoption in progress- may cry at any time!"

Now I sit, waiting for this plane to land. I already miss my first three kids. I can't wait to meet my two new kids. I'm dreaming of the days ahead when all of my children sit together, in the same country, in the same house. What a day it will be, but it can't happen soon enough.

Is it true? Yes it is!

First, let me apologize for the last several posts all going up today & being backdated. We have been very cautiously moving forward for the last 6 weeks. We have wanted to share our exciting news but, after waiting so long were apprehensive. Here we go...

We leave in 4 days for Russia! The last week has been filled w/ conference calls, appointments, travel arrangements & asking favors. We are excited...but things can still go wrong. We are going to meet the children & officially accept the referral. At that point, things will be fairly certain. Our second trip will be our day at court. Will they think we are just plain crazy for wanting 5 kids? (have 3, now adding 2 more) Maybe. We have high hopes that they will approve us :)  Our third trip will be to bring the kids home. We estimate that this may be in November.So there you have it. Is it true? Is this really going to happen? Well, it looks that way!

Several months ago, I had a strange dream. We had finished our adoption & were finally home. I was a proud momma introducing our new child to friends that had prayed for him. One turned & said "I thought you asked for a little girl from Moldova?" Confused, I turned to see that the child I had brought home was a little Asian boy. Later, I shared my dream w/ friends (the friends in my dream) & we laughed. I joked that you just never know until you actually bring them home. I suppose that was more truth than I realized at the moment. I love to have things planned out nicely. It's just not the way our adoption journey has gone so far. We are still waiting upon God & He hasn't let us down yet. For when I think that I may have just asked for too much, He blesses me with more than I imagined.